How to write a eulogy
A eulogy is a speech or tribute given at a memorial or funeral service. It commemorates and celebrates the life of the person who has died – telling their life story and their legacy. It is usually written and delivered by a celebrant or officiant, although can equally be delivered by a family member or close friend.
A eulogy or tribute is a way of saying farewell to a person who has died; by expressing and sharing thoughts, feelings and experiences that honour and respect them.
They can be written in many different ways depending on the person and the circumstances.
They can be a delivered as a more formal speech which includes the person’s history, career and achievements.
They can be more personal through the sharing stories, memories and anecdotes.
Or they can be a combination of these two styles.
Writing a eulogy can seem to be a difficult task, however writing one can also be a way to start the healing process. To help with writing a eulogy, here are some tips for you to consider.
Tips
Although writing a eulogy seems like a daunting task, the most important thing is to write from your heart and express what means the most to you. If you aim to describe what made the person special and important to you, this will show through in your writing.
There are many good examples online and these can help you structure your thoughts. Here are some tips to help you with the writing process:
You could make a start by looking around the house and pulling out old photo albums, going through old letters or emails, and any other memorabilia - as this may trigger memories and ideas.
Talking to close relatives, friends, and acquaintances is also an excellent way to remember things. Make some notes of your memories, special moments together, your feelings for that person and anything else that comes to mind. It doesn't necessarily have to be their life story but more about what your loved one meant to you.
From these notes pick out a number of items that are especially meaningful or even identify a theme that brings these ideas together.
If it is appropriate, you could include something humorous as humour can help diffuse some of the tension people at a funeral might have and can help to make the tribute personal and unique.
Write a rough draft without worrying about how it sounds – you can polish and review it later once you have all your thoughts down on paper.
A funeral eulogy is usually between 500 and 1000 written words; and will usually take from around three and a half to seven and a half minutes to speak.
Organise the information so that it contains an introduction, middle and end.
Review and polish your speech and practice reading it out loud.
What to include in a eulogy
A eulogy can also be made meaningful by describing your loved one’s life in terms of achievements as well as a timeline of their life. Here are some facts you might like to gather and include in your eulogy.
Your eulogy doesn't have to include all of these to be meaningful, but by adding some of them it can help make your eulogy more complete:
When and where they were born
Nicknames and/or names they are known to others by
Parents names - where they met and married
Brothers and sister’s names
Early childhood - localities and interests
Education - Schools attended, awards gained
Academic or trade qualifications and achievements
Some interesting items about childhood days
War or military service
How they met their spouse or partner
Marriages, divorces, children, significant relationships
Grandchildren/great grandchildren
Club & society memberships, positions held
Sporting achievements
Hobbies or interests, travel, crafts etc.
Historical significance
Preferences, likes and dislikes
Activities and hobbies e.g. music, theatre etc.
Any special stories, anecdotes, sayings, qualities that are significant to others
Special readings, music or poetry to be included
How to deliver a eulogy
It is always a good idea to practise giving your eulogy.
Many people struggle with public speaking, so you are not alone. Read it out loud, either on your own or in front of a trusted friend or family member. It’s a good idea to time yourself so you have an idea of how long your eulogy will last and add or omit anything that will help keep it to a comfortable time.
Speak slowly. Everyone wants to hear the words you have prepared.
Pause for thought. There may be certain points in the eulogy that deserve a moment of silence for contemplation, or a particular story which makes the audience laugh.
Give people eye contact. This may be difficult, but if you mention a close family member by name you may want to scan the first row to make them feel included.
Try to stand still. It can be difficult not to fidget when you are nervous - but tapping fingers or feet can distract people from what you are saying.
